I like tacky watches. To be clear, I don’t think Richard Mille watches are tacky. They’re ugly AF and pretentious. Expensive too. While the Jacob & Co. Fast & Furious Twin Turbo is plenty pricey, it’s wonderfully, gloriously, unabashedly tacky. Tasteless? Some might say so. But these people fail to appreciate the artistic genre known as kitsch, best defined by Jeff Koons’ stainless steel faceless space bunny “balloon.” Entitled Rabbit, it sold for . . .
Ninety-one-point-one million dollars. Which makes the $580k Jacob & Co. Fast & Furious Twin Turbo something of a bargain. Unlike Koon’s highly reflective Bunny, the two-tone watch is completely ridiculous. A totally downmarket action movie celebrated by a watch with two triple-axis tourbillons! Not to mention a decimal repeater – a “feature” that rivals those two spinny things for The Most Useless Horological Complication Ever Invented” award. Annoying? That too. wikipedia.org:
[A decimal repeater] sounds the number of ten-minute intervals after the last hour and then the minutes. For example, if the time is 2:49 then the decimal repeater will sound 2 low tones representing 2 hours, 4 sequence tones representing 40 minutes, and 9 high tones representing 9 minutes: “dong, dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding”. These repeaters, although first made more than 250 years ago, are very rare.
Thanks to Jacob & Co.’s [Chinese?] artisans, there will be nine more of them; the number of Fast & Furious Twin Turbos set to be unleashed upon the world – starter girl-obscuring hands be damned. Fans of the Fast & Furious franchise – now up to episode 9 – will recognize the vehicles on the dial as Dominique Toretto’s Charger and Brian O’Conner’s Toyota Supra. They’re really loud and exceptionally fast. Which makes the decimal repeater’s languid and dulcet tones even funnier.
“Our Twin Turbo Furious is such a natural fit for the Fast & Furious franchise,” Jacob & Co. CEO Benjamin Arabov asserts. “Not only the name of our watch but the whole emphasis on speed and being exceptional. Jacob & Co. has been in many important and successful partnerships, but we have never partnered with an entity that so closely fits our DNA. The new Fast & Furious Twin Turbo Furious watches are going to be awesome.”
Yeah no. That’s a ballsy statement for a man pimping a watch that’s nothing more than a redecorated version of their Bugatti Twin Turbo Furious. (Yup. Furious.) Of which J&C offered 39 examples.
Besides, Jacob & Co.’s gloriously hideous 49mm Opera Godfather Minute Repeater is, was and always will be the “natural fit” between the watchmaker and a co-branding partner. Never mind about the discordant top note played by the behemoth’s musical box movement (click here for video). We’re talking about a Manhattan jeweler whose big break arrived via rapper Notorious B.I.G.
There’s a small but sure-fire market for the Jacob & Co. Fast & Furious Twin Turbo. Vin Diesel received $20m up front for F9 and a cut of the profits. Add that to previous payments and we can assume a $580k watch is back of the sofa money for the man born Mark Sinclair. (That’s his movie fee negotiating pose above.)
If they haven’t pissed away their fortunes on real estate, same goes for F9 director Justin Lin, producer Neal H. Moritz and actors John Cena, Charlize Theron, Kurt Russell, Helen Mirren, Kurt Russell and Michelle Rodriguez.
We’re only one watch shy of maxing-out the nine watch run! I’m sure there are a few well-heeled F&F fans on the other side of the Pacific just itching to strap this bad boy on their wrist (hoping they don’t run into each other).
The funny thing is, the Jacob & Co. Fast & Furious Twin Turbo is exactly the kind of watch you’d never see in the movie (even though it’s a chronograph). I reckon that’s a feature not a bug. You?